Jon Gustin is the dad behind the popular social media account “The Tired Dad“. Known for his candid takes on sobriety, marriage and parenting, he has become the millennial voice of fatherhood—all while pouring an endless cup of coffee.
Recently, Jon sat down with Demetra Ganias, host of MomCast, to discuss his new book and his take on parenting that shaped it. Don’t forget to check out the whole conversation by downloading it on Momcast.
Tired Parents Are Good Parents
Have you heard “if you’re worried about being a good parent, you probably are one?” Jon’s “Tired Dad” is showing that. “Basically, ‘Tired Dad’ just means that you’re tired because you’re doing it right. You care. You’re showing up. And we’re going to be tired, but that doesn’t mean we quit,” says Jon.
Parenthood Can Be a Catalyst for Good Change
Sometimes it takes becoming a parent to want to be a better person, a theme underlying many of Jon’s posts about sobriety. “The major turning point was when my daughter was born, for sure. A mirror was put up to my life and all the unhealed trauma, all the stuff that I wasn’t dealing with. I realized that I used substances and alcohol to bury those emotions,” shares Jon.
Parenting Sober Can Be a Game-Changer
While Jon wasn’t an angry drinker, he admits he wasn’t present when he was drinking. He says, “As any parent knows, this time flies by once you have kids…I felt like I wasn’t mentally present. Having to have a beer before the nighttime bedtime routine and then afterwards, and then being hungover in the morning…. I just didn’t want to miss out on it.”
Small Moments Can Be Big
Fans of Jon’s social media posts know he’s all about embracing the little moments as kids go from little to big. And to do that in real life, he says to tune in fully. “We live in such a distracted world. Obviously, the little device in our hands can really take our eyes away from the most important people in our lives,” notes Jon. He adds that after school he asks them what the best and worst part of their day was, and at bedtime, he gives them more time for deep conversations. “It’s just really about being the safe space for them at all times and knowing that no matter what they say, they’re being listened to and engaged with,” says Jon.
It’s Okay for Dads to Need Help
Although Dads want to be Superhuman, Jon says they’re human—and wants moms to help them know that’s okay. “It’s okay for them to express their struggles. You’re not going to hold it against them,” says Jon.
The Hard Conversations are Worth It
Jon says he and his wife both came from homes with divorced parents, and they work hard to communicate, even when that’s tough. “A big thing with me was my ego. Everything felt like an attack, right? There were all these little things starting to build up resentment, and that’s the dangerous place if you let it continue to build,” says Jon. What changed for his marriage was communication—and lots of it. “We started communicating right away, right in the moment, right in the storm, right in the chaos,” says Jon.
To learn more about and from Jon, pick up Tired Dad, which fulfills a dream he’s had since he was a kid of becoming an author. “I turned 40 years old this year and it, you know, it took longer than I thought. When you’re 10 years old, you think that it’s going to happen at 20. It didn’t, but it’s an amazing feeling.”
Jon says, the book is for parents in any stage of parenting. “With social media, not everybody can take the content in as it’s put out. So I really wanted to put everything that I’ve done, every message, every thought, every reflection through my almost 10 years of parenting into a book for people to have forever, to have for their hard days, to have for every day, and just an arm around their shoulder that shows they’re not alone.”
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