Ahhhhh the college drop off; a topic of much debate, excitement, stress, commiseration, agita and everything in between. For reference, I have a freshman in college, a sophomore in college and a junior in high school.
Some things I’ve learned that may or may not apply to you are below. Always good to get a different perspective and keep a sense of humor. The whole process can be overwhelming if you let it. And like anything in life, ask too many opinions and you’ll end up confused or possibly feeling inadequate. Don’t stress yourself out with lots of noise. Keep it simple.
Some G. thoughts below:
Remember the other costs besides tuition (which is what we all tend to talk about and focus on). Not to be bearer of bad news, yet it’s much more than that fee. So plan for that- whether that means meal plans (which are super confusing lol) or sports tickets or dorm stuff or books or general things you didn’t think about because the actual cost to attend can be blinding at times!
Try to let them do their thing. This time should also be about independence, along with guidance. You don’t need to be the interior designer of their dorm rooms (unless they ask). Try to limit total parental control/ domination in any way that is feasible for your family. My kids had to learn some things the hard way, which I’m grateful for. So maybe if they miss the due date off picking a roommate and end up disappointed, remind them some deadlines are now on them.
Briefly teach your young adult them about taxes and “adult stuff” like that pre- college so they “get it”; no one did this for me, so I was clueless. It’s not to make them feel guilty or stressed for what you spend to keep them alive lol… yet so they understand expenses as they enter a more adult world.
I was shocked I wasn’t a big emo crying mess at drop off (which is totally ok and encouraged if you are!!) yet it’s the little moments post drop off I miss my girls. Which is “normal” too. Don’t project how you’ll feel as you won’t know until that day! Try to enjoy the process.
Please let them surprise you. So far, my two did with location, major, school size, etc. So many parents I know are more obsessed with every choice than their kid is. Try to encourage different thoughts or opinions. Listen to their needs and wants. It’s their life, not you reliving or trying to duplicate your own “glory days”.
Always remember that higher education is not the only answer. Attending a trade school, taking a gap year to volunteer, FT work, etc. is all a part of ‘post high school life’, truly!! There are many choices. I’m not one to push college honestly; yet two wanted to go so far so ok!
College tours are all pretty much the same lol. While great to physically be on campus, it’s hard to tour a million colleges (especially as a single parent). Ensure your kid has some genuine interest before going crazy.
Don’t encourage “over applying”. While it’s awesome to have choices that are safe, some that might be a stretch etc., applying to an excessive amount of schools usually creates more confusion, expense time and unexpected drama. Seems to be a trend. Do what works for you.
Make the process as fun as it can be. It seems to become a chore or something so many spend an infinite amount of time on. I looked at the positives. For example, I loved learning more about my teens in this process and reading their essays. And got to spend time with them- always a plus!
Be realistic. All I hear is parents and relatives and friends telling young adults: “COLLEGE IS THE BEST!!!! “YOU ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO LOVE IT!”. While we hope that’s true, and many times is, try not to set them up for failure, create unrealistic scenarios. They might not have found their friend group or have roommate drama. I mean, this is life, right? Don’t build it up as a vacation lol. It might not work out. Yet like anything, a lot of it is what you make it!
You know what your family can afford, you know if you can get loans, you know if you can apply for scholarships etc. Aim within your reach and means.
This is all just me. Whether you agree or disagree it’s all chill! Just some things to consider and think about. I certainly don’t have all of the answers. I simply go with my gut and I believe that’s the best we can do as parents of young adults…whatever their post HS path is.
Good luck raising teens! It’s hard for them…and us! Middlemeetsbyg.com
Follow G for some teen and tween humor: @beyourowng
